stillness

it is the dead of night and my two loves sleep sound in the bed upstairs. dreams dancing like smoke into a dreamcatcher made from leaves, twigs and vines from our overgrown yard. bare skin warm against bare skin, a cold winter chill on vulnerable eyelids.

home used to be a thousand feet above the ground. home was within us wherever we went. now home is here, with my family and a house that is growing into a nest of our inspirations and ideas.

i feel stuck in this house sometimes. travelling gave me purpose and left me with no time to think deeply. my days are filled with the endless projects we begin and the joy of my daughter, but then comes the night and my head gets loud and sleep is hard to find. life has been kind to me, but it wasn’t always kind.

at times it is easier to regard the past as something that happened to someone else, like a girl in a novel or a film. at other times it’s too difficult to pretend.

but the morning comes and the most beautiful little girl in the world smiles the smile of the boy i love, with eyes aglow like mine and i can’t possibly be any happier. i feel my heart constantly growing to allow room for all the love i have for her.

every overseas trip has fallen through this year, and so i begin to believe maybe it is for the better. maybe alba needs a little more time to adjust to this world from the safety of our house. and that is okay.

these are the times we will look back on wishfully, when we are lost in a foreign country or waiting in long lines at airports. we will think, didn’t we have it good, all that stillness. so i teach myself to feel alive in the day-to-day and to appreciate finally having a real home and family.

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  1. Sarabell

    I love this! My husband and I are currently living in our travel trailer and traveling all 50 US states before traveling abroad. We had always planned to just keep doing it this way and not have children, but then one day we decided we DO want children someday. I’ve thought about these feelings more than a few times, about how that will feel. Thanks for a little insight into that!

  3. Gabe

    She is precious.

    Enjoy your time at home. My wife and I put traveling on hold when our son was little. Once he turned three, we ventured out.

  4. mona

    I stared at this photo for a good ten minutes, wondering why I was so drawn to it. And then I figured it out. It’s simple, it’s ordinary, but it tells a story. The scene is something that anyone could see, but you make it your own, somehow. And the way you hold her – you can actually feel the love that you hold for your daughter.

  5. Elenore Bendel Zahn

    … Stillness. I breathed deep when I saw the word on the top of this page. I love how you took me into your world and gave me a flood of inspiration and an explosion of love. For that I thank you!

    I could not help but to TOTALLY fall in love with you as you sat there in the darkness writing about your family and adventures.
    Then an outburst of laughter when I read the name of your daughter, Alba, which is the same name I carry in my heart for my future daughter (whenever she decides to come).

    To end this little love parade I wish to say THANK YOU for this first visit and I will so so so come back!

    Lot´s of Greenylicious love /Elenore at Earthsprout <3

  6. Miss Fabulous

    Your pictures are wonderful; they provide such inspiration.

  7. Latoya

    I have been following you for years. i remember your post about your love for a family. It is great to come back to bloglovin and found that your dream is a reality. YOU truly have been blessed. I also remember your post of your father and the amazing photos to accompany them. I think that standing still for awhile is good for the soul. Especially when you have a little one. My son is 4 and I am finally planning the overseas trips I have been dying to do in this life. Best of luck to you and yours.

    xox{ohm}
    Latoya @ http://www.bflysouljah.com

  8. Luna

    What a nice reminder of the importance of appreciating the present. The past was someone different, and one that I feel we shouldn’t pry too much into. Enjoy your quiet nights and live in the loud ones when they arrive.

  9. Kaila

    When I read your words, I’m not jealous. Which surprises me… the words you write create a desire to find a passion of my own. Find myself.

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22

us, kissing on the bus the first week we met (you told me this was your favourite picture of us)

 

on this day 22 years ago you were born into the world.

there is no simple or easy way to explain just how much i love you. i’ve tried so many times and all i end up doing is crying. the truth is i love you the most any one person can love another. sometimes it feels like more.

the first time we met (after endless years of talking) i thought i could never feel a more aching, all-consuming love. i mourned for those beginning weeks sometimes, and the passion i thought was lost. but then our daughter was born and i saw you hold her close to your heart, i saw that you would die for her. i realised the passion wasn’t lost, it was only softer and calmer now. it had gotten into my blood and become a part of who i was.

i love you both selflessly and unconditionally, for all of time. you have taught me so many magnificent things. happy birthday my favourite boy, my best friend.

 

blowing out candles at 3am, the hour you were born

the yummiest birthday cake

cuddles by the fire after having your birthday dinner

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  5. Shio W.

    I am in complete awe……. Your pictures and words are so lovely and deep. I only hope to channel my inner voice and thoughts like you and share them like you do. I have read many blogs and I must say, yours is the loveliest by far. Your words that explained your love for your husband were very sweet and makes me think of how in love I am too, with mine. Thank you for sharing a part of you that is most special with those who adore your words. Your spirit is as beautiful as you are, and your family is just the same :) I look forward to being a regular and being inspired by you!

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  6. Emma

    The first picture, of you and him. It actully makes me wanna cry. Mostly because he looks so much alike my ex on that picture. And because its so beautiful..

  7. Jenna

    Sometimes I wish to run off and join your in your wild adventures across the world, thank you for such an inspirational gift. If you can continue to keep your beautiful journeys with baby Alba then it gives me strength and hope that I could do it alone or with a friend.

  9. Aprelle

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  10. Mária

    My heart fills with love when I see these photos. I didn’t visit this beautiful blog for a while but I’m glad I’m here now.
    Alba is lovely.
    Love, M.

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