Pale Fire

IMG_3534

IMG_3571

IMG_3608

IMG_3862

IMG_3784

IMG_4114

 

One day my sweet friend Claire drove me & Ashlin out of town. The winter wind drew goosebumps on Ash’s skin while we photographed so we wrapped her in a blanket between shots. We watched the sky change colours and saw the light change along with it. I realised how glad I am to be a photographer, to get the chance to embrace so many sunsets and idyllic places. To soak in the world’s beauty.

Stylist: Claire Hart

 Model: Ashlin

Edited with Digital Film + India + Dust

 

  1. Pale Fire – the road is home | Born to serve Infraestructure as a Service

    [...] Pale Fire – the road is home @bsiaas #bsiaas. http://bsiaas.com Trending: 6 God Jack BruceToday Is KathNiel Day #AgoraEAecio45Confirma #EMABiggestFansJustinBieberᅠ#HANAPINSIKUYAHARRYSAPINAS #TeLoDigoPorHashtag #RTExtraLife #HappyBirthdayAvalannaRespect Nadine Lustre #HBD18thAliandoSyarief #DilmaNovamente #KepoOkGalauNo #OleMissvsLSURay HudsonTeman Tapi Nikung #ClasicoxESPN #WorldSeriesGame4My App Boyfie Finale Episode José Aldo #SomosTodosDilma #FutbolTotalDIRECTV #GolpeNoJN #UTNMontoro #LaBandaDeLosQueNoSalen #TheVoicePHisBack #E3ThinkingOutLoud #KapagAko #50TLyeTTYapılırVatsap0536x267x9887Kabinet Kerja #SpecialAngSundayKoKasi #XFactorMoviesWeekHappy 26OhaMerhabaa GenclerUyanmışYhaaa #PazarGünleri_BenTimmons #RealBarcaRyan MasonUtanAKP UyanMilletKenetlendikBirKere ŞampiyonFENERBAHÇEJoey BosaHackenberg #MacriConMirthaKupaİçinSaldır PotanınKraliçeleriRIP Derrick #SeHarryPotterFosseBrasileiro #BeyazFutboldayım #FlyNoSabadoTotalAmari Cooper #PataNahiEli AppleCarvajal #UczTT0539x396x17x46Speroni #OverloadGen2014No Falcao #PEEHYPE #GilaLari #ValidebağdaCamiBetonOtoparkaYapılıyorBorghiCall AshtonGol de PepeDerrick HenryGo Timmy #BarrotazoXLaLibertad Smalling #L6Nwyoming ÇözümSüreci KardeşlikProjesidirYaTutarsa ArizaTvde #AndreaOnTourHey VolsSeed of Chucky #IniTalkshowNETzodiakÇözümSürecine 3ŞehitDahaVerdik #OSUvsPSUDrakeLey SugalSaPagibig #EnBüyükYeteneğimReal Madrid 3-1 Barcelona #JujuLoiraDuygun Yarsuvat #AlasanBarcaKalahDemarco RobinsonKroosHeart NecklaceLucy Hale Saved Us #HEATOFTHEMOMENT #L6Ncorrupción #tickingTimeBomb #utrpsvKatsidis #ASUvsUWAmrabatCini Minis #BanaGöreBuHaftaSonuNaoyuki KotaniGeny #TANK #İnananlarınZaferiMutlaktırKutupOdunu Geldüü #LSUvsMISSLazerMinuto 3 #ERROR3RDWINAnies Baswedan #AilemeNotum #senmutluolRun This TownBurnley 1-2 Everton #KuisJerseyMojokertoLukakuTarıkGüneş ONLİNE #FindBarclayBealesAdilKontenjan SubattaBransa40BinAtamaHeat of the Moment #TürkKürtKardeşiz #BAMAvsTENNKathryn Bernardo FirstSoloAlbum Soon #Rihanna8thAlbumÜçŞehidimizVar BaşımızSağolsun #ElClasicoZettelTaylor Swift Is Our Wildest DreamA.PereiraMerhabaGencler UyanndıYan Cabral #BrentOnTour #Felices23BlasDarren ElkinsLagi LDR-an #KathNielASAPHollywoodTouchdown Kentucky #RTStretchJosh DobbsChris Frey #UcuzTTyapılr0544x940x55x15TürkünKardeşi TürktürSteve Evans #IggyOnSNL #AskTwoSync #YaptığınEnBüyükHata [...]

  2. canada goose chateau
    ×

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I to find this topic to be actually one thing that I believe I would never understand. It sort of feels too complicated and very large for me. I am looking ahead in your subsequent submit, I will try to get the dangle of it!
    canada goose jassen http://www.isolab.org/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_jassen_20539.html
    canada goose camp down http://www.eltawheed.org/styles/canadagoose/goose_13197.html
    canada goose mystique parka http://www.appliedsymbolics.com/canadagoose/canada_goose_jakke_3002.html
    canada goose online http://www.stbasilsboston.org/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_chateau_parka_26413.html
    goose parka http://www.hairknowlogy.com/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_sale_28109.html
    canada goose online shopping http://www.adminmachine.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_montebello_18775.html
    canada goose http://www.trillennium.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_montebello_7868.html
    canada goose women http://www.dvaldesigns.com/images/canadagoose/veste_canada_goose_35883.html
    canada goose jacket women http://www.redhawkstv.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_toronto_10628.html
    canada goose sale uk http://www.fetesgrenadine.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_toronto_33724.html
    canada goose jacket sale http://www.strongmancorporation.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_uk_24690.html
    womens canada goose parka http://www.stonetowerminiatures.com/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_whistler_parka_24553.html
    canada goose uk http://www.proactivecollections.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_down_27537.html
    goose down http://www.hamasakilandscaping.com/images/canadagoose/veste_canada_goose_669.html
    canada goose hybridge hoody http://www.ghq.org/scripts/canadagoose/goose_down_jacket_2312.html
    goose canada http://www.kojiexpress.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_online_shop_31452.html
    canada goose trillium http://www.froggiesbait.com/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_constable_parka_10699.html
    canada goose kensington parka http://www.algorithm-trading.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_kensington_parka_14073.html
    online shop canada goose http://www.isolab.org/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_jassen_11203.html
    price of canada goose jackets http://www.eltawheed.org/styles/canadagoose/canada_goose_jacket_5827.html
    canada goose banff parka http://www.julibrown.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_parkas_13752.html
    canada goose jackets on sale http://www.stbasilsboston.org/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_canada_25785.html
    canada goose mystique http://www.dallasmartllc.com/styles/canadagoose/canada_goose_30967.html
    canada goose uk http://www.precimold.net/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_logo_19202.html
    canadagoose http://www.northcoasthin.org/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_coat_27480.html
    canada goose calgary http://www.alexander-fink.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_retailers_2938.html
    canada goose trillium parka sale http://www.financialservices-online.com/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_pas_cher_32443.html
    canada goose partioaitta http://www.imghouston.info/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_trillium_8496.html
    canada goose hat http://www.everyday-manager.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_price_4447.html
    canada goose sale http://www.academiascholarlyjournals.org/styles/canadagoose/canada_goose_vest_26838.html
    veste canada goose http://www.harvestis.com/styles/canadagoose/canada_goose_online_shop_14615.html
    official canada goose http://www.317nb.net/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_online_shop_16810.html
    canada goose kensington parka uk http://www.linligroup.com/scripts/canadagoose/goose_down_18799.html
    canada goose jacket sale http://www.aiondiscount.com/images/canadagoose/canadagoose_17367.html
    canada goose deutschland http://www.healeylake.org/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_down_21188.html
    canada goose coats http://www.marinapalmsresort.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_montebello_parka_8847.html
    canada goose coats http://www.jjlacupuncture.com/scripts/canadagoose/doudoune_canada_goose_28486.html
    canada goose bird http://www.mouwie.com/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_coats_26667.html
    canadian goose jacket http://www.viwebworks.net/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_chateau_19502.html
    canada goose down jackets http://www.remitsearch.com/images/canadagoose/canadagoose_7510.html
    canada goose in canada http://www.sharesquare.org/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_jacka_18017.html
    canada goose chilliwack http://www.appliedsymbolics.com/canadagoose/canada_goose_jassen_19248.html
    canada goose down parka http://www.stbasilsboston.org/scripts/canadagoose/goose_jacket_9272.html
    canada goose hat http://www.cuamps.com/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_chateau_parka_24150.html
    canada goose outlet http://www.customconcretenc.com/images/canadagoose/canada_goose_outlet_23164.html
    where can i buy a canada goose jacket http://www.trillennium.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_montebello_parka_2323.html
    canada goose hat http://www.everyday-manager.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_lodge_jacket_6714.html
    canada goose price http://www.stephenecovertcpa.org/styles/canadagoose/canada_goose_online_shop_5402.html
    canada goose black http://www.harvestis.com/styles/canadagoose/canada_goose.com_21267.html
    canada goose jackets womens http://www.strongmancorporation.com/scripts/canadagoose/canada_goose_pas_cher_5874.html

    canada goose chateau http://www.leftfield.tv/scripts/canadagoose/goose_down_10096.html

  3. Tone

    The second picture brings me right into the moment. I love your blog. I love your’e honesty. And i believe I look up to you :) You are something real special! You’re talent too. O hope you know, If not this Is written to you as a remider. Thank you!

  4. Caitlin

    I normally don’t comment on blogs but I felt I needed to say that you are talented and beautiful. I just discovered your blog and I am so inspired by your positivity and bravery. The pictures of you and your daughter capture the deeply loving, intimate and physical experience of motherhood in a way I have never seen before. It makes me happy.

  5. Helena

    I just found my way here recently.. and just wanted to tell you that I love these photographs! Simply stunning!

load more comments

Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)

Life Passing II

IMG_1851

 

Six months ago.

A hundred feelings, a hundred faces, a hundred places. I am living lifetimes inside single years. I am strong, powerful and brave. I am confused, alone and afraid. I am lost but I am finding myself. I have come so far but I still have so far to go.

I nurse my broken heart and broken dreams lightly, often forgetting they are there at all. I escape my past by embracing my present. When the dark quiet of night washes over the world nothing can distract me from my pain. But then the day comes and sets everything alight, reminding me of all there is to be grateful for. Everything is going to be okay, better than okay.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I will reach out for him and my hands will find no one. Sometimes I feel alone when I am surrounded by people because none of them truly understand me. Sometimes I am worried and I long for someone to hold me again and tell me they will take care of everything, that I don’t need to worry about a thing. But it is just me now and I have to be strong. There are times when my shoulders buckle under the weight but they don’t break. I’ve got this.

I look at him, remember studying his features with endless fascination, and I realise I see him through different eyes now. In some ways I can’t recognise him any longer. His arms no longer hold the safety they once did, his eyes no longer hold the affection. We are both different people now.

It’s strange how someone can be your world one day and almost a stranger another day. Some nights I would do anything to be back in our mountain home where I knew everything was going to work out, that our love was invincible and everlasting. In those moments it was, and the ending didn’t diminish its magic. But that chapter is long finished now, leaving space for new chapters to be written.

From my hometown we drive to Crystal Creek. On the way we pass a little produce stand and pick up some ripe fruit. We swim in the pool beside the waterfall, hot sun on our skin and cool water swallowing our bodies. We open pomelos with a pocket knife and the insides shine like little pink jewels.

We set up the tent in the trees by the water. From inside we watch and hear the waterfall and it makes its way into my dreams. When the sun rises I swim naked in the creek, pushing against the current. A thousand cold hands run across my body. I dry myself on a rock in the sun, and climb back into the tent to read a book and breastfeed Alba.

I should spend more time outside. When I am out there things are simple and clear. It is easy to be present. I will forget those nights I stayed up late watching Game of Thrones, but I will never forget the morning I was naked beneath a waterfall.

We drive to the beach one night. I bring a curry I cooked, a flask of hot chocolate and a picnic rug. Life has a cinematic quality. The kind that new experiences bring. I remember being here as a child, and now here I am with my own child. Somehow I am a Mama now, not a child any longer. Life passes.

Alba swims with my sister, who is no longer the quiet little girl I once photographed in the backyard, she is a teenager now covering up her freckles with make-up. My brother is here too. He is sad tonight, going for walks by himself and writing pages and pages in his journal and I think maybe I understand him better than anyone.

I swing on a swingset and when I get to the very highest point I close my eyes and imagine I keep going, flying out into the stars. I hear Alba laughing with my siblings by the water. In this moment I feel a slow sweet joy fill my soul.

I don’t remember if we flew or drove home. I look at these photographs and the notes in my journal to remember, but outside of these souvenirs this time is a haze now. I barely photograph these days, not like I used to.

Alba turns two. I wake up before her and marvel at her tiny face. The dark, sweeping eyelashes and the small pink lips. Her long fingers are like miniatures of my own. But despite the similarities, she is more her own person than I ever could have predicted. How could it be only two years since she took her first breath? She has already taught me so much about life.

I am thankful for birthdays as a reminder that time does keep on flowing, that my little girl is less little than she was yesterday, and that I need to stop often to appreciate her. Her Papa and I take her out for breakfast and I look at him watching her and know exactly how he is feeling. Look what we created. This bright, giggly, empathetic, creative toddler is ours.

There are moments when I look at Alba and my heart breaks because I am afraid I am failing her. Will she grow up daydreaming about her parents falling back in love like I did? If I am not enough for her, I hope for all of the incredible people in her life to overfill the gaps. I hope for her to grow from her struggles with the strength I already see  burning in her eyes. Even so, I will never feel enough, and that is what it is to be a Mother sometimes.

.

IMG_1916

IMG_1879

IMG_2025

IMG_2690

IMG_1818

IMG_1703

IMG_1700

IMG_4902

IMG_9556

IMG_9394

IMG_5731

IMG_9563

IMG_9575

IMG_0311

Images with me were captured by Matt.

  1. Mariko

    I really loved this post, it was so honest and open hearted.
    I have always admired how in touch with your feelings you seem, you have this fearlessness which shows through your writing and your photography and i think it is that rawness and realness which has mean that you have been one of my favourite bloggers since i was 16.
    I guess I have followed this blog since then, and it has always struck a chord with me as I am also Australian and we are the same age.
    I especially liked the part where you talked about how you and your ex are different people now. “I look at him, remember studying his features with endless fascination, and I realise I see him through different eyes now. In some ways I can’t recognise him any longer. His arms no longer hold the safety they once did, his eyes no longer hold the affection.” This part particularly resonates with me, I think you have truly captured the somewhat inexplicable bittersweet longing we can so easily feel towards someone we were once together with, and for that I must thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart. I have recently gone through heartbreak and this post quite literally made me realise that as sad as breaking up with someone may be, time does pass and things will be ok. So truly thank you for this post x

  2. Julie

    forget to write, that *you should publish a book or something

  3. Julie

    You are fantastic Nirrimi. So much love in one person…

    When will we read your book? You should your words are full with beauty!

  4. Sophie Abbott

    What an incredible woman you are… You create beauty because you are beautiful inside and out, Alba is one lucky baby to have you as a mama. I have just discovered you through Instagram an hour ago already I am in tears!! Sending your broken heart love and light

  5. Martine

    I cried when I read this. Everything you have written here describes my worst fear in perfect clarity. I’m only seventeen, and living seems so difficult at times. Im in the midst of falling down, as you so perfectly wrote about in the post about the death of childhood. Every day as I’m tumbling down, I hope with all my heart that I’ll land on my feet, and that I will have my greatest love on his feet, by my side. The hardest thing about being seventeen and so afraid, is the fear that things won’t work. Sometimes I feel completely hopeless. Things aren’t getting better, the days and nights are filled with sadness and confusion. My only hope is that things will work out when I’m older, when I have grown, and my thought are easier to bare. With a hope like that, the fear that things won’t ever get better only grows. I know for sure that I would never survive what you have been through. I’d end the falling if I had to do it without the kisses and hugs from my love. You are so strong, so good, and I only hope that I one day I’ll be like you. Thank you so much for writing what you write.

  6. anonymous

    it breaks my heart to read that you two broke up, but i guess it’s better this way. i’m sure alba will be fine, i’m sure alba is fine.

  7. Dionne

    It seems to be the universe is once again shifting and the ending of love is a familiar theme in my life as well. I am certain there are great things to follow.

  8. Lisa

    I just stumbled upon your blog and I wasn’t ready for all you shared, as it has all evoked some painful memories. I hope you sta strong and are coping well. Sometimes we don’t know how resilient we are till we face the most horrible betrayals.

    Lisa x

load more comments

Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)