stillness

it is the dead of night and my two loves sleep sound in the bed upstairs. dreams dancing like smoke into a dreamcatcher made from leaves, twigs and vines from our overgrown yard. bare skin warm against bare skin, a cold winter chill on vulnerable eyelids.

home used to be a thousand feet above the ground. home was within us wherever we went. now home is here, with my family and a house that is growing into a nest of our inspirations and ideas.

i feel stuck in this house sometimes. travelling gave me purpose and left me with no time to think deeply. my days are filled with the endless projects we begin and the joy of my daughter, but then comes the night and my head gets loud and sleep is hard to find. life has been kind to me, but it wasn’t always kind.

at times it is easier to regard the past as something that happened to someone else, like a girl in a novel or a film. at other times it’s too difficult to pretend.

but the morning comes and the most beautiful little girl in the world smiles the smile of the boy i love, with eyes aglow like mine and i can’t possibly be any happier. i feel my heart constantly growing to allow room for all the love i have for her.

every overseas trip has fallen through this year, and so i begin to believe maybe it is for the better. maybe alba needs a little more time to adjust to this world from the safety of our house. and that is okay.

these are the times we will look back on wishfully, when we are lost in a foreign country or waiting in long lines at airports. we will think, didn’t we have it good, all that stillness. so i teach myself to feel alive in the day-to-day and to appreciate finally having a real home and family.

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July 2012

56 love notes for “stillness”

  1. Sarabell

    I love this! My husband and I are currently living in our travel trailer and traveling all 50 US states before traveling abroad. We had always planned to just keep doing it this way and not have children, but then one day we decided we DO want children someday. I’ve thought about these feelings more than a few times, about how that will feel. Thanks for a little insight into that!

  2. Gabe

    She is precious.

    Enjoy your time at home. My wife and I put traveling on hold when our son was little. Once he turned three, we ventured out.

  3. mona

    I stared at this photo for a good ten minutes, wondering why I was so drawn to it. And then I figured it out. It’s simple, it’s ordinary, but it tells a story. The scene is something that anyone could see, but you make it your own, somehow. And the way you hold her – you can actually feel the love that you hold for your daughter.

  4. Elenore Bendel Zahn

    … Stillness. I breathed deep when I saw the word on the top of this page. I love how you took me into your world and gave me a flood of inspiration and an explosion of love. For that I thank you!

    I could not help but to TOTALLY fall in love with you as you sat there in the darkness writing about your family and adventures.
    Then an outburst of laughter when I read the name of your daughter, Alba, which is the same name I carry in my heart for my future daughter (whenever she decides to come).

    To end this little love parade I wish to say THANK YOU for this first visit and I will so so so come back!

    Lot´s of Greenylicious love /Elenore at Earthsprout <3

  5. Miss Fabulous

    Your pictures are wonderful; they provide such inspiration.

  6. Latoya

    I have been following you for years. i remember your post about your love for a family. It is great to come back to bloglovin and found that your dream is a reality. YOU truly have been blessed. I also remember your post of your father and the amazing photos to accompany them. I think that standing still for awhile is good for the soul. Especially when you have a little one. My son is 4 and I am finally planning the overseas trips I have been dying to do in this life. Best of luck to you and yours.

    xox{ohm}
    Latoya @ http://www.bflysouljah.com

  7. Luna

    What a nice reminder of the importance of appreciating the present. The past was someone different, and one that I feel we shouldn’t pry too much into. Enjoy your quiet nights and live in the loud ones when they arrive.

  8. Kaila

    When I read your words, I’m not jealous. Which surprises me… the words you write create a desire to find a passion of my own. Find myself.

  9. David Do

    You are a great poet and writer. Words and emotion spoken so gracefully.

  10. Luka

    when i read your words, i am so inspired to live my life my way. to breathe it in and let days not go by without feeling a meaning. i cant thank you enough for your impact on me.

  11. Leita

    You write beautifully, but what will happen if Alba does not wanderlust as you and m do? Us children do not always have the same desires as our parents. We can be rooted to the ground as much as an oak roots may hold against all weather. Will you be content?

  12. Kate

    Oh, I love your blog. I bumb into it totally by accident and I want to write you that your pictures are pretty cool, those are so real and beautiful! I totally felt in love with your blog and those pictures. I’m gonna follow you and visit way often<3
    http://coeursdefoxes.blogspot.com/
    X

  13. Mandi

    I always love reading your writing, it’s so full of emotion and imagery and is very powerful.
    Must say that it a lovely photo.

  14. ayla

    beautifully written. your photos captivate me, your writing draws me close.

  15. kimi

    I can completely relate to feeling trapped; oozing with creativity and no where to expend it. I am studying something I do not love and am struggling to ‘step it up’ with my photography. you are my inspiration. I will get to where I want to go. one day. x

  16. sarah loven

    i know what you feel, nirrimi. i have felt it for what seems like forever. i have a wandering soul but my body is trapped. sometimes i feel like i’m not an artist at all. and i hate the feeling of inspiration that is so strong, that when you can’t let it escape, it hurts. being busy with everyday things is painful. i just have to take a breath and hope that doors will be opened and paths found. i’m happy for your little family. keep those dreams alive, i know you will. soon enough Alba will be just as willing as you to go explore and experience the world~

  17. claire alice young

    oh how i know how you feel. how hard it is to love the normality, the every day the same. martin and i were moving so fast at the beginning of the year, everything new and exciting, each bend holding another adventure. now that has slowed, i spend my days alone in my little cottage house in this new city which is becoming just too familiar. you will be on the road again before you know it, making new memories and discovering new places!

  18. Julia

    this is such a beautiful picture of you both. she´s probably the loveliest baby i´ve ever seen – you must be so proud of her!

  19. Ashley

    I’ve felt the same. Know your adventures do lie in wait.

  20. Tara

    adventure is in your heart and your imagination. I felt stuck in my house when my son was born, but now he is 2 there is an adventure behind every door every tree.. living life again through your daughters eyes will erase any hurt you have had, and you will grow in love and grace with her
    xox

  21. Heather

    Lovely… she’s grown so much from the time you posted a picture of her first bath.

  22. Natasha

    Such beautiful words, everyone yearns for adventure and to always live an exciting life, but sometimes just staying still is perfect sometimes.

  23. JP Anleu

    Im pretty confident you will travel endlessly again, and Alba will be a part of these new adventures, but now this Stillness is a must, a necessary (albeit temporary) calmness of your wanderlusting spirit for you and your family.

  24. Jatinda

    Hi, your picture is so beautiful. looking at this pic, it’s like i am reading a poem.

    I have no choice but to follow you now.

    would love for such an adorable inspirational persona like you to follow me too, and leave you comments as they would mean the world

    http://www.personalautographs.blogspot.co.uk
    Jatinda
    xxx

  25. JESSSI

    I love ur writting,beautiful
    btw maybe we can fllw each other?
    jessillesilv.blogspot.com

  26. Alden

    I really love the way you write. It says so much about your personality. It’s like I know you personally. You’re an inspiration to me.

  27. Nina

    Such lovely words! I can imagine how much you miss traveling but like you said this time is so precious and come a few years you’ll be so glad you spent all that time with your beautiful daughter.

  28. mimi

    i love that you can feel the warmth and love you have for your family both in words and in photos. and your little one is just precious :)

  29. r.r

    I really don’t want to bring any sort of negativity to your writings Nirrimi, but I really wish you’d use capitals.

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